"Idiot Control"

I often refer back to the stupid mistakes and dumb-ass things I've said. For instance one day while playing in my room I said:

Baby serial landscaper: "Don't get wise bubble eyes or I'll cut you peanut size."

This brought my father into my room wielding his belt and obviously very pissed off at somebody (me).

Dad: "What the hell do you know about penises?"
Baby serial landscaper: What..?

WHACK!

It is not  that difficult to relate things that have happened to me as a kid growing up, in a not so dysfunctional family, with parents who I guess never read a book on parenting, to everyday situations that occur while employed by people who are spending large amounts of money on people, equipment and material. These very same Employers, who are lot like let's say my Parents, and the Managers who in this case are lot like my older brother. As a "Field Supervisor" my responsibilities, above and beyond the typical landscape maintenance responsibilities, are pretty much keeping an eye on the potential crisis that could arise out of nowhere. A guy that works with me coined the term "Idiot Control"; I instantly liked it because it covers everything and everyone including myself.

IDIOT CONTROL SITUATIONS

1. An employee (the idiot) arrives a little late in the morning and as he is approaching his truck, walks by my older brother (manager) and feels compelled to talk to him about an account that he (the idiot) isn't even working on that day. As I have been through this before, I know now that I must intercept the idiot before he can open his mouth. "Hey (idiot)! Late again, you worthless agitator. Go to work and let's be quick about it!" or a simple blow to the back of his head with my trench shovel will do the trick.
2. While fueling up and going over the day's plan with my brother (the manager), a crew member (a different idiot) interrupts us by asking for a new rake. Before my brother can lay into us with a forty-five minute demonstration of how to operate a rake properly and save gas doing it, I can quickly jerk the conversation by asking my brother if he has any information on a new plant, the Patronesiditious (fictious name), giving the crew member (idiot) time to realize he has made a terrible mistake and now must make a break for it.
3. Over the radio a crew member asks another crew member a question about how to make a repair on a leaking irrigation system. No big deal right? Wrong. Unfortunately my older brother (manager) is usually listening and that is enough for him to break in with a mind blowing display of embarrassing and humiliating reasons why it shouldn't be done that way. The damage is done and it is impossible to debate anything over two way radios. I can avoid this situation by calling out over the radio "CHICKEN LITTLE! CHICKEN LITTLE! GODDAMMIT!"  

 I have experienced many of the same situations most of you have but what I don't understand is why do we continue to make the same mistakes. I know to err is human, but "idiot control" can resolve this. The manager has the authority and will use it like my older brother; He will punish you with things you don't see coming and like my parents, the Employers, will just give you more work as long as you show up everyday. While my brother cared about me he would never pass up an opportunity to let me have it with both barrels. My point is this: I know it is hot as hell out there and what you are asked to do at times seems impossible, especially when you are short-handed, but keep in mind that there are fifty-two weeks in a year and not much changes in this profession outside of the faces of the people you work with. Always remember: DON'T FEED THE MONKEYS! (managers).  I hope it is 78 degrees tommorrow but more than likely not. 10 weeks of heat remaining fellow agitators. The Serial Landscaper